solitude
I went to the City of Ten Thousand Buddha in January and most of the residents were in the midst of the final week of a three-week Chan meditation retreat. I dropped by the DRBU building and only a few staff were there. The entire building and the surrounding campus were completely silent. It was a wonderfully quiet feeling. The atmosphere was alert, clear, and crisp, yet quiet and pleasant. The spirit of shared collected effort across the campus gave it a sense of not solitude, not loneliness. I was trying to reflect on why that is. [...]
When I was a sophomore in college, I recall having profound loneliness, and as a result, depression. Logically, there was no reason for me to feel lonely, because I had a girlfriend, as well as a group of supportive male friends. Yet, I still felt bitterly lonely. [...]
In a recent post, Patience and Solitude, James wrote about what it has been like to give up so much of his previous existence in order to live a simpler, more solitary life at CTTB. I was struck by his observations about the challenge of loneliness; it got me thinking about the differences between loneliness [...]
When I came to live at the City of Ten Thousand Buddhas, I was very idealistic. I was determined to make a big shift in my life, a shift that required a lot of idealism, and a little bit of courage too. I was putting on hold many of the expectations about what I had been taught about success, particularly with regard to making money or having a romantic relationship. I was giving these things up in order to follow what seemed to be greater ideals.... Like all romantic notions, there was some truth to these ideals, and there was some fantasy as well. [...]