Though much of my experience during the Guan Yin session was, in many ways, indescribable, there is at least one fact to take away from my experience.
I wince at the notion of trying to convey my experience in words, for they will surely be inadequate, and thus, misrepresented in many of your minds. Even so, for those few who will take something concrete away, the value can be inconceivable. Though much of my experience during the Guan Yin session was, in many ways, indescribable, there is at least one fact to take away from my experience. Meditation will change you for the better. It will help you be happier every moment of every day, and more importantly I think, help you see the value in, and possibility of, dedicating your life to others. Being a skeptic myself, I encourage you to doubt the truth value of these statements. Even with this logical doubt, you must also grant the possibility that I am speaking to you truthfully. If you are willing to accept the latter, it may very well change your life.
You will likely hear many different things from many different individuals about meditation over the course of your life, and it is wise to take them all into account when making a decision to meditate.¹ So that you may better frame my experience into your life, know that going into the retreat I had absolutely zero experience meditating, and only minimal knowledge about Buddhism as a religion. Even as a novice, my choice to spend seven days exploring meditation changed me more fully than any other decision in my life. In this sense, I hope that if presented with an opportunity to do any meditation focused retreat, anywhere, at any point in your journey, I would unequivocally recommend it. It will likely be one of the most difficult and rewarding experiences of your life. It will change you in ways that I can never fully describe, and you can never fully anticipate.
I must confess that once I experienced the “stillness” found in meditation, the texts themselves became quite central to my inquiry into meditation.
At the Guan Yin, being a beginner, I did not know what to expect. I chose the beginner path, so the day was broken up with study, which I found very helpful. There were nuns, scholars, and students like me to help make sense of the complex experience of meditation (You can find more logistical information here). For the simplicity of this post, I will not get into the metaphysical or ontological arguments our study sessions embarked upon. Rather, follow me to focus on the practical aspects that you will experience with meditation, even with no faith in the religious teachings themselves. With that said, I must confess that once I experienced the “stillness” found in meditation, the texts themselves became quite central to my inquiry into meditation. With the knowledge that so many master meditators have relied on the texts for deeper cultivation, coupled with my desire to go deeper myself, unraveling their words quickly gained my attention. The texts I am referring to are the sutras. Cultivation refers to the process whereby you become “a better person” by practicing meditation on a daily basis. Even so, I will focus on the initial stages of meditation, and not on the deeper inquiry (a.k.a. cultivation) that will likely follow your introduction to the “stillness”.
… it is a space that I found amongst the myriad of thoughts constantly developing from the unceasing flow of consciousness that has existed for as long as I can remember
Now it is necessary to try to explain what I mean by the term “stillness”, as it was central to my introduction to meditation. Basically, it is a space that I found amongst the myriad of thoughts constantly developing from the unceasing flow of consciousness that has existed for as long as I can remember. You can think of it as a little space, or, as a magical pathway you could create by parting the flowing water of a river. Luckily, this pathway is in no way magical, and rather, absolutely realizable. Another way to see the stillness is as the cessation of thought. Every waking moment of my life I have been thinking thoughts like: “this is cool”, “that is pretty”, “I want to go here, no, there”, “that girl’s butt is real nice”, “my legs are sore”, “this is dumb”, “why do I poop?”, “what is the meaning of life?”, “that fan is brown”, and so on, and on, and on, and on. Every day, from the moment I woke, till the moment I fell asleep, these thoughts had never ended. My preliminary understanding of meditation is that it is all about focusing on one thing for as long as you can. This gives you that little space to stop the thinking pattern you have been habituating since the moment you popped out of your mom. At the Guan Yin retreat, small phrases were employed as the focus to help carry beginners, like me, into this stillness. It was very helpful for me, but from what I have learned is by no means necessary to find the stillness. You can focus on one thought, phrase, sound, object, taste, sensation (like breath), etc.
Have faith that this term will make sense once you experience it. Until then, it is mostly a useful abstraction you cannot really relate to. Also, remember that you can experience the stillness and when you do, you will not have any more doubts about its definition.
Happiness. Yay!
To wrap up, come back with me to where this all leads. Happiness. Yay! I feel pretty sure that you want to be happy. Not sad, angry, depressed, helpless, jealous, greedy, foolish, arrogant, confused, vengeful, hateful, deceitful, harmful, lazy, restless, distracted, etc. Paradoxically, the moment you can attain your personal goal of happiness (what I would call lasting, lifelong, inner peace) is when you start to let go of your self through meditation. As you cultivate the stillness and let go of your constant thoughts of self, others, and objects, you will find a peaceful place with no worldly attachments. From here you will find it easy to see your attachments to all of the material gains the West improperly defines as happiness. In cultivating this stillness you can then choose, moment by moment, what thoughts you would like to have, and what truly will make you happy over the course of your life. I personally found that my happiness exists in trying to have the right intention in my worldly actions. I now try to intend, in every action/choice, to further my dedication to the lasting happiness of others. I propose that you will find something fairly similar in your own cultivation.
From a Friend Just Like You,
Walter Clapp
¹ For a more methodical explanation of terms and different kinds of meditation, and an analysis of the current (2007) scientific research explaining meditation, see this document (pdf).